By: Märni Halvorson, Ed.D., Head of School (Covenant Day School)
Did you know that there are more than fifty separate references to discipline in Scripture and that every one of them talks about its benefits to the one being disciplined? Further, God, our Father, goes so far as to say that the failure to exercise discipline exposes a lack of love for our children.
Look at these verses from Hebrews 12: “the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives…God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline…then you are illegitimate children and not sons.” What a counter-cultural idea that is in today’s society where we are no longer shocked by the sight of public temper tantrums or news interviews with parents who insist that there was nothing they can do about the criminal behavior of their out of control minors.
We have allowed our absolutely appropriate revulsion over all forms of child abuse to push us into the opposite ditch and an incorrect understanding of what it means to discipline.
Discipline and discipling are fraternal twins. Both are means of training or teaching -- or mentoring. Parents, and educators, who are serious about following God’s lead, will make it their goal to excel in this area.
What does “Godly discipline” look like? At Covenant Day School we believe that it should be characterized by love, wisdom, consistency and the development of habits that minimize the need for correction or reproof.
Our goal as teachers and administrators is discipling our students so that they will be spared the consequences of wrong behaviors. Every one of our students is a fallible human, and it is inevitable that there will be occasions when discipline includes a punitive element. The purpose of such discipline is to redeem the situation insofar as possible so that the student will be better equipped for faithful service to the Lord and redirected on a better life course. All of us want our children/students to be people of character and integrity; all of us want them well prepared to assume positions of responsibility. None of us wants the pain of seeing a child face the consequences of behavior that repeatedly violates the rules of the state or personal morality. The ESV version of Proverbs 12:1 puts it bluntly, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.”
In our school wisdom and consistency are guides by which we try to measure our rules. We are careful to make sure that what we ask of our students is for their good and not our convenience. We try very hard to match our expectations to the age and abilities of our students and we recognize that parents are our partners in discipling and certain areas like spanking or curfew restrictions are decisions for them alone.
As a school we are blessed by a unity between home and school that is apparent in the day to day behavior of our students. The vast majority of behavioral issues are handled without fanfare in the classroom or between teacher and parent.
Occasionally, a situation arises that involves more than one student or a behavior that requires more than basic intervention. When this happens the wisdom of experienced administrators is brought to bear. What must the school do in order to redirect the student to a Godly life course, to be consistent with the school’s standards for behavior and for the encouragement of families who have entrusted their sons and daughters to us with an expectation that the school’s leaders would remain committed to principle even when their decision might be criticized?
Our first step is to pray. We seek the Lord’s guidance and direction for our decision. We know that we are fallible and that our decisions can affect a student’s future. We try to be objective. We really listen to the student’s account of the events that have brought us to this point. We want to understand the circumstances and balance grace, truth, and mercy. We know that there are times when students, especially teenagers, do foolish things, and we want to discern as best we can what actually happened and why.
We know that every decision we make sets a precedent so carefully ponder options. We meet with parents as well as with the student, and invite their input. When we make decisions, we try to look beyond the immediate future for the student involved and for the entire student body. We make a decision and inform the student involved and their parents. We refer them to their youth pastors for further mentoring and encouragement. We do all that is possible to respect the confidential nature of any corrective discipline issues, even when that means that we must respectfully decline to discuss a specific situation with the parents of other students. It is our conviction that this policy is most helpful in doing all we can to assure that our actions might reflect our concern for the future of the student who we love enough to reprove as necessary.
Because of CDS’s standards, there may be times when the consequences, from the world’s perspective, seem unfair or stern. Others will not be made aware of all the facts and sides of a situation because we do not provide details about these issues or their specific consequences. We know this puts us at risk of misunderstanding but that is less concern than failing to do what we think is honoring to God and ultimately best for students.
We strive earnestly to reach the hearts as well as the minds of our students.
We are not interested in blind conformity or obedience for appearance sake nor the ease of the faculty and staff. We want to be in actuality a school that is focused on developing disciples (or as our mission statement says, “that students would be salt and light for God’s glory”).
We desire greatly that parents would partner with us and support us in the challenging times even as we seek to come alongside students and their parents. We hope that over the years we have established a record of trust; that you have confidence in those who are partnering with you in this shepherding process. While we want the youngsters to be happy, we are even more concerned that they are growing in holiness. Our desire is to train hearts that yearn to be obedient to the Lord, even when no one is monitoring them, even when it causes hardship.
If your student is involved in a discipline situation, we ask that you, too, first pray over the situation and seek the Lord’s wisdom before acting. If your child is not involved, we ask that you model discretion for them by refusing to pass along what you may be told by your child or others. As the parent of your child, you are the spiritual leader in your home. Your child will trust and follow your lead. Help them to understand that The Lord has a purpose for all that comes into our lives, even if we have knowingly blundered. Use these situations to help your youngster understand why rules and policies should be respected, even if their purpose is not obvious at first glance.
Please join us in praying that our students will respond well to our instructing, training, and disciple-making such that there would be minimal need for discipline. Pray for our faculty and administrators to be disciplined in our own lives, to become more like Christ as we disciple our students. We are praying for you as you raise your sons and daughters in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. As we support each other, let us remember how much we need God’s grace every single day.
1 comment:
How do you think Christian schools should "discipline" homosexual students, if at all?
Post a Comment